Karen told me I have bursitis of the knee and gave me dolobid to reduce the inflamation. Also to put Icy/Hot on the knees and give it a couple of days. I also have a brace of sorts that seems to work. At least today it was not as bad as it was. I had to call in off of work for two days because of that.
Mike tried to make me take a pizza to a very dangerous part of the city after dark. I told him I just could not. The $1 I would make is not worth my life. He sent me home. I have about 13 hours of work next week but that is ok. I have some work and I am beyond caring any more. I need to get my priorities completed. Harry seems to be more of an enemy than a friend. I don't know why but maybe that is just what he is.
Today I took Cho to Dairy Queen and we went around Willoughby Spit and explore for a while as she ate her strawberry sundae. I am sure she enjoyed it because she got out of bed promptly to go to this adventure.
Tomorrow is going to be cooler and I should get out there and cut my grass. I also am going to Mayor Fraim's party for getting him elected. I am going to take my camera. Maybe get some great shots. I don't know. Maybe I will get a Mayor Fraim and me shot. LOL. that is what I really want.
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Friday, June 25, 2010
25 June 2010
Was thinking that I didn't have much to say about today. Well no nuclear weapons were discharged but in my tiny world this is my observation. My right knee was giving out last night and into today. I bought a brace to help support it and it is not doing much good. I have taken all my meds maybe that will help in a day or too. My pain is that of an ice pik into my knee with crunching and almost the knee popping out of place. Have an appointment with Karen Charlton tomorrow before my Pizza Hut job.
Last night I had no alcohol and no medicine and only slept maybe 3 hours with horrible dreams in them. So today became a series of naps to maintain. Tonight with Amien I will sleep....I hope.
The Chaplain and Nurse came today. The nicest thing that the chaplain did was to pray for us. The nurse brought the news that when Cho runs out of meds we will just not renew them. She is in Hospice and she is dying. It is a cold slap in the face again as reality steps up to the plate.
I did pull a basketful of weeds today and tomorrow the plan is another basketful. With time dedicated to the backyard then everything will be under low roar.
Completed a news article for the Master Gardeners and whether they use it or not is up to them. But I appreciated the challenge and opportunity.
The stinky dishes by the sink are clean and of course a new pile is starting to build. Mornings will be dish washing time.
The Topsy Turvy Plant I did not add some chemical compound to it and it has bottom rot. Next time I will add the product and an indeterminate tomato plant for constant blooming.
Last night I had no alcohol and no medicine and only slept maybe 3 hours with horrible dreams in them. So today became a series of naps to maintain. Tonight with Amien I will sleep....I hope.
The Chaplain and Nurse came today. The nicest thing that the chaplain did was to pray for us. The nurse brought the news that when Cho runs out of meds we will just not renew them. She is in Hospice and she is dying. It is a cold slap in the face again as reality steps up to the plate.
I did pull a basketful of weeds today and tomorrow the plan is another basketful. With time dedicated to the backyard then everything will be under low roar.
Completed a news article for the Master Gardeners and whether they use it or not is up to them. But I appreciated the challenge and opportunity.
The stinky dishes by the sink are clean and of course a new pile is starting to build. Mornings will be dish washing time.
The Topsy Turvy Plant I did not add some chemical compound to it and it has bottom rot. Next time I will add the product and an indeterminate tomato plant for constant blooming.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
24 June 2010
Today my car was registering 102 degrees. I was watching the clouds build and thought back to the Iowa lightening storms that used to frighten and thrill me at the same time. There was a day in which I was told that the thunder was the angels bowling in Heaven. One of several lies I was taught to believe when I was younger. Yes and there is no Santa Clause, Easter Bunny or even no Tooth Fairy. They may have been told in a story telling way but when I found out the truth then my trust in my parents became less. Those you lie to - trust you less.
I feared the tornadoes more in those days even though with the exception of TV I have never seen one. I have been in the eye of Hurricane Isabelle and I have seen a water spout but I have never seen a tornado. In Riverdale, Iowa , every 6 years a tornado would sweep through the same area. It was odd but that is what it seemed to do. One day, Diane and I were visiting friends and then a huge storm came up and we hurried inside their home and shut all the windows. In minutes it was over and several hundred-year-old trees were uprooted in a 10 block area. I think a tornado actually went over our heads.
Social Services came and inspected again today. Had a respite nurse here. I didn't know who it was and I was out cutting flowers for my wife's vases. Again, she gave me a hard time for working again I said I didn't have a choice. Eithier give me money or Medicaid or you have no bases to criticize or threaten me. She went off to see why Medicaid has not been approved yet. My wife heard this commotion and she told me that she told the respite nurse that she wanted to die as soon as possible to stop being a burden on me. I wrapped her in my arms and I sobbed. I told her that I wanted her with me as long as possible and then she could go live in Heaven with God and Jesus.
Barb Wilson from the Master Gardeners of Norfolk e-mailed me and confirmed that my pictures that I had attached successfully were received by her. Then she challenged me to write a story so I did and I forgot who the guest of honor was and another main character. She said she would help with the names but also referred me to the editor of the Master Gardener.s newsletter as a writer for them. Hmmmm. I never considered doing that but with Barb's challenge I was able to put together a fast blurb that she seemed to like.
I tried to sleep but sharp pains kept plagueing me. So I went and sat underneath a hot shower and just relaxed a little. Thanking God for this small pleasure He has blessed me with. Then I put on some heating rub for more relief. As I was doing that it just started pouring down.
Tonight I had difficulty walking. Sharp pains shot through my knees as if they were breaking. It was not a fun night.
I feared the tornadoes more in those days even though with the exception of TV I have never seen one. I have been in the eye of Hurricane Isabelle and I have seen a water spout but I have never seen a tornado. In Riverdale, Iowa , every 6 years a tornado would sweep through the same area. It was odd but that is what it seemed to do. One day, Diane and I were visiting friends and then a huge storm came up and we hurried inside their home and shut all the windows. In minutes it was over and several hundred-year-old trees were uprooted in a 10 block area. I think a tornado actually went over our heads.
Social Services came and inspected again today. Had a respite nurse here. I didn't know who it was and I was out cutting flowers for my wife's vases. Again, she gave me a hard time for working again I said I didn't have a choice. Eithier give me money or Medicaid or you have no bases to criticize or threaten me. She went off to see why Medicaid has not been approved yet. My wife heard this commotion and she told me that she told the respite nurse that she wanted to die as soon as possible to stop being a burden on me. I wrapped her in my arms and I sobbed. I told her that I wanted her with me as long as possible and then she could go live in Heaven with God and Jesus.
Barb Wilson from the Master Gardeners of Norfolk e-mailed me and confirmed that my pictures that I had attached successfully were received by her. Then she challenged me to write a story so I did and I forgot who the guest of honor was and another main character. She said she would help with the names but also referred me to the editor of the Master Gardener.s newsletter as a writer for them. Hmmmm. I never considered doing that but with Barb's challenge I was able to put together a fast blurb that she seemed to like.
I tried to sleep but sharp pains kept plagueing me. So I went and sat underneath a hot shower and just relaxed a little. Thanking God for this small pleasure He has blessed me with. Then I put on some heating rub for more relief. As I was doing that it just started pouring down.
Tonight I had difficulty walking. Sharp pains shot through my knees as if they were breaking. It was not a fun night.
Monday, June 21, 2010
21 June 2010
Woke up this Monday morning to go exercise my muscles and social skills with the Norfolk Master Gardener volunteers. Invited my wife to go and sit with us but she refused. Went and weeded, tied up some plants and just learned more about Gill and Jim. Gill spent 32 years in the Navy as a master chief and retired - he must be in his 70's. I asked him how long he has been gardening and he says he has a picture of himself at the age of 2 with a shovel and a rake. Jim is medically handicapped due to a water accident he had. He is a farmer of some type. The barnyard garden is impressive with corn over 10' tall and the rest of the garden is starting to produce.
Was thinking of my Pizza Hut shirt - doesn't wrinkle and doesn't show my sweat. So went to Bass Pro Shop and attempted to purchase two similar shirts from them. We will see if I got the correct ones or that I had to go to the $60 shirt price range. I hope I did well.
I also bought a DVD on bass fishing. Since I have never bass fished I figure it would behoove me to get some lessons under my belt. I really hardly know anything about fishing so maybe I can be taught and become more proficient that way - at least that is the plan.
Tomorrow we attack the yard again and cut down the biggest and worst stuff. bringing it all under control eventually. Or at least to a dull roar.
Was thinking of my Pizza Hut shirt - doesn't wrinkle and doesn't show my sweat. So went to Bass Pro Shop and attempted to purchase two similar shirts from them. We will see if I got the correct ones or that I had to go to the $60 shirt price range. I hope I did well.
I also bought a DVD on bass fishing. Since I have never bass fished I figure it would behoove me to get some lessons under my belt. I really hardly know anything about fishing so maybe I can be taught and become more proficient that way - at least that is the plan.
Tomorrow we attack the yard again and cut down the biggest and worst stuff. bringing it all under control eventually. Or at least to a dull roar.
Friday, June 18, 2010
18 June 2010
I am concerned about Cho. Took her to a dementia caretaker facilty for 4 hours today. She is still knocked out from it. I am wondering if she suffered another minor stroke. Yet it is just another up and down situation. The last few days I was worried that I had made my decision too soon and then we have today. She was so alive a couple of days ago and now she is almost comatose. I was seriously second guessing myself a few days ago and now I am so compassionate about my wife's suffering that I am relieved. I don't ever wish this on anyone else. It is the same compassion I have for our sniper teams except they kill on orders. I am allowing my wife to die because I am compassionate for her quality of life. We allow our society to put our pets to "sleep" when they are incurable and in pain. The Roman Catholic Church does not condone "Heroic" methods of life support. What is your personal definition of "Heroic"? I have seen human vegetables and I do not accept that as God's will. Those vegetables are sustained by my definition of "Heroic" measures. I believe that our life on Earth is a journey and that our Destination is Heaven. I want my wife in Heaven and not suffering in pain and discomfort on Earth. May God bless my love for my wife. I have prayed and God told me "Now is the time."
Monday, June 14, 2010
14 June 2010
I guess that histories are more important than events. I went to Prime Time in Norfolk for Senior citizens over 50 OMG I qualify. Found out about PrimePlus which is a day care for people like my wife. I found her smiling at participation. There are scholarships there which she may be qualified for. I talked with Cho and she wouldn't mind having fun there. Otherwise is is $31 for 4 hours.
I am sorry that I am coiled up like an angry snake but I am. That is my dealing wrongly with a situation.
I am sorry that I am coiled up like an angry snake but I am. That is my dealing wrongly with a situation.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
8 June 2010
Two nurses came to see Cho today. The hospice orders are not there yet but when they get there then she can get pain medicine for her knees. I keep questioning myself about taking her off of her anemia medicine which will be fatal to her. It is just that her health is just getting worse and worse. She is not quite a vegetable. She still knows me. She just cannot do anything any more because of her equilibrium. I will be talking with my social worker tomorrow.
Called in to work to tell them I was going to take care of my wife today. So I am cutting out making any money today. I went to Wal-Mart and bought two swimming trunks, some fishing tackle and a plastic box for putting my cuttings in. It has been a long time since I just went to Wal-Mart to buy things. It was a strange feeling yet a good feeling. Also my pants size is now 40/42. That was a nice confirmation. Since my other pants were falling off of me and I did not compute why. LOL. Besides the fact that I don't have a butt. :)
Went to my back yard and took several cuttings and then prepped them and put them in this "rooting box." I was trying to figure out how to put a plastic lid over the styrofoam cooler I had bought and then it fell all together that all I needed to do was buy a plastic box and fill it with seed starter. It looks like I have a minature forest. I put it in my computer room so that it has a bit of sunlight and we will check on it weekly. People enjoy receiving my cuttings and I enjoy giving them away. I want to go to this one yard and ask them what they are doing. It is like they have a massive greenhouse in the back and the fruit of their labors are stacked and displayed in the front. Mr Beasely has sign in his yard saying vegetables for sale. He says he doesn't make any money but it pays for his hobby.
Caught two croakers today. One was about 3" and the other one I took home and cooked it and shared it with my sweetheart and she enjoyed it. I finally broke down and bought some blood worms. Consequently I started catching fish.
Voted for Scott Rigel today. Cho refused to go vote. We will see what happens. He is not the
"TEA PARTY" candidate. I think he will do just fine though.
Called in to work to tell them I was going to take care of my wife today. So I am cutting out making any money today. I went to Wal-Mart and bought two swimming trunks, some fishing tackle and a plastic box for putting my cuttings in. It has been a long time since I just went to Wal-Mart to buy things. It was a strange feeling yet a good feeling. Also my pants size is now 40/42. That was a nice confirmation. Since my other pants were falling off of me and I did not compute why. LOL. Besides the fact that I don't have a butt. :)
Went to my back yard and took several cuttings and then prepped them and put them in this "rooting box." I was trying to figure out how to put a plastic lid over the styrofoam cooler I had bought and then it fell all together that all I needed to do was buy a plastic box and fill it with seed starter. It looks like I have a minature forest. I put it in my computer room so that it has a bit of sunlight and we will check on it weekly. People enjoy receiving my cuttings and I enjoy giving them away. I want to go to this one yard and ask them what they are doing. It is like they have a massive greenhouse in the back and the fruit of their labors are stacked and displayed in the front. Mr Beasely has sign in his yard saying vegetables for sale. He says he doesn't make any money but it pays for his hobby.
Caught two croakers today. One was about 3" and the other one I took home and cooked it and shared it with my sweetheart and she enjoyed it. I finally broke down and bought some blood worms. Consequently I started catching fish.
Voted for Scott Rigel today. Cho refused to go vote. We will see what happens. He is not the
"TEA PARTY" candidate. I think he will do just fine though.
Sunday, June 6, 2010
06June10
Two days before the primary elections for Republican House Candidates. I have supported Scott Rigell because in my opinion he is the best to beat Nye in the November elections. I have nothing against Nye. He has done a good job for our district. I do not trust the snake Nancy Pelosi and I will do all I can do to chop her head off.
I realise it is all politics and they play their games. I abhor the fact that it is no longer for the good of the American people but for the power brokers of the prevailing party. Now have I been naive and that is the political animal? Regardless, I will put signs in my yards, volunteer at call centers and do whatever I can to support Rigell to defeat Nye and Nancy Pelosi.
I realise it is all politics and they play their games. I abhor the fact that it is no longer for the good of the American people but for the power brokers of the prevailing party. Now have I been naive and that is the political animal? Regardless, I will put signs in my yards, volunteer at call centers and do whatever I can to support Rigell to defeat Nye and Nancy Pelosi.
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
1 June 2010
Today we said goodbye to Dr Tan and his staff. We will no longer take Cho there to give her shots to prolong her life. She can no longer walk. She can no longer enjoy life with the exception of laying in her bed and sleeping. She wants to go no where. I look at pictures of her history as she looks back of me. She trusts me to protect her and do the right thing by her. Isn't coincidental that the study of the Quiqley case would give me the insight on my wife's case. How much compassion that is allowed a pet that we do not allow a human being? The Catholic church allows no heroic means to sustain life. At this time of utter immobility, I have decided to stop the heroic means on sustaining Cho's life through these shots. I am numb. I have absolutely no one to converse with on this decision with the exception of my social worker and that will be next week. I know that my decision is a huge decision and I feel that it is a correct decision. How much do I love my wife? I love her with all my heart, soul and body. I do not want her to needlessly to suffer. Not if I have a choice to help her go to heaven peacefully.
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