Missie's birthday today and I called her thanks to Pattie to sing her a birthday song and talk for a few minutes.
Diane is not doing good. She cannot walk. Tomorrow we go to Dr Tan and I think it will be for the last time.
I have listed like 21 articles for sale on e-bay. I am delighted with this effort and with time and experience I think we can do well.
I am not doing well. I am still drinking and just treating my depression with alcohol.
Monday, May 31, 2010
Monday, May 24, 2010
24 May 2010
Put some California Rock on - You're So Vain. I had some girl sing that to me one time. I was and still am in some sence. How is it that we develop our major traits and it takes so much effort to correct them?
I went to Denny's today after my session with my social worker and enjoyed their sausage gravy and biscuit side dish. It is the best and the best price. Left the waitress a dollar tip and it cost less than $4. Of course I recommend this to all those who like this dish. Don't count the health benefits. I also found out that I qualify for Denny's senior citizen breakfast at 55. I am getting older and I want to make a bigger impact on the life around me. If just to give more love to those around me. Grandpa Wilkins was honored at his funeral by the town turning out to his funeral and passing of a kind and good man. Man, I would be proud to be recognized like he was.
I hate paying $25 for each 45 minute session with my social worker but it is amazing how fast my time goes by. I just blabber away and she says some words of healing to me. To make me realize that it is not all my fault in some sense but of course it is my responsibility on how I deal with it. It is never THEY did this but I did this to protect myself. She even suggested that I may be suffering from post traumatic stress syndrome of a sort. As I tell her my history she can see more of me and I explain a bit more of me. She told me the other week I am a hero/co-dependent because I take care of all of those around me without regard to myself. I am like an oil well gusher - I spew all of this out. I have had no one to talk to for so long - no one I trusted. Finally I have an outlet.
I think that I don't always have something to say but maybe it is I don't meditate on my current self and see what I am feeling and thinking. Sometimes we may be able to write a book , a poem, or a sentence. It is all significant.
Took Cho to PRESS 626 for the BEST GRILLED CHEESE SANDWICH IN HAMPTON ROADS. We had it with bacon and tomato and four cheeses - Vermont Cheddar, Swiss, Pepper Jack, and Goat Cheese. Cost $11. I think they raised their price a bit but it was a special sandwich that came with fries and it was filling for the two of us. We could of had soup, salad or fresh fruit. Cho had a herbal orange blossom tea from a French Press. She really enjoyed and I went and bought some tea from Norfolk Coffee and Tea and then a French Press from Somona to make her some at home. PRESS 626 was very intimate with four stations - outside, bar, fireplace, and offset room. The fireplaces had candles in them to be lit at night to give it a sparkle - that is something I can use in my own fireplace. They also served their water in refrigerated wine bottles which was cool. Yes I recommend them....It cost me $19 tax and tip for a great meal and the best service I have had in a long time.
I finally figured out and posted one item for sale on E-Bay. I am so pleased. This is a start. This and Craig's list to start a business of sorts. It all depends on what you pay for something if you are able to turn a profit on it.
I went to Denny's today after my session with my social worker and enjoyed their sausage gravy and biscuit side dish. It is the best and the best price. Left the waitress a dollar tip and it cost less than $4. Of course I recommend this to all those who like this dish. Don't count the health benefits. I also found out that I qualify for Denny's senior citizen breakfast at 55. I am getting older and I want to make a bigger impact on the life around me. If just to give more love to those around me. Grandpa Wilkins was honored at his funeral by the town turning out to his funeral and passing of a kind and good man. Man, I would be proud to be recognized like he was.
I hate paying $25 for each 45 minute session with my social worker but it is amazing how fast my time goes by. I just blabber away and she says some words of healing to me. To make me realize that it is not all my fault in some sense but of course it is my responsibility on how I deal with it. It is never THEY did this but I did this to protect myself. She even suggested that I may be suffering from post traumatic stress syndrome of a sort. As I tell her my history she can see more of me and I explain a bit more of me. She told me the other week I am a hero/co-dependent because I take care of all of those around me without regard to myself. I am like an oil well gusher - I spew all of this out. I have had no one to talk to for so long - no one I trusted. Finally I have an outlet.
I think that I don't always have something to say but maybe it is I don't meditate on my current self and see what I am feeling and thinking. Sometimes we may be able to write a book , a poem, or a sentence. It is all significant.
Took Cho to PRESS 626 for the BEST GRILLED CHEESE SANDWICH IN HAMPTON ROADS. We had it with bacon and tomato and four cheeses - Vermont Cheddar, Swiss, Pepper Jack, and Goat Cheese. Cost $11. I think they raised their price a bit but it was a special sandwich that came with fries and it was filling for the two of us. We could of had soup, salad or fresh fruit. Cho had a herbal orange blossom tea from a French Press. She really enjoyed and I went and bought some tea from Norfolk Coffee and Tea and then a French Press from Somona to make her some at home. PRESS 626 was very intimate with four stations - outside, bar, fireplace, and offset room. The fireplaces had candles in them to be lit at night to give it a sparkle - that is something I can use in my own fireplace. They also served their water in refrigerated wine bottles which was cool. Yes I recommend them....It cost me $19 tax and tip for a great meal and the best service I have had in a long time.
I finally figured out and posted one item for sale on E-Bay. I am so pleased. This is a start. This and Craig's list to start a business of sorts. It all depends on what you pay for something if you are able to turn a profit on it.
Thursday, May 20, 2010
19 May 2010
Last Sunday, the preacher told a story of a Russian immigrant that arrived in the USA with nothing and made something of himself. He made a great something of himself. He was a man amongst men. He went to a funeral of a friend. His wife's friend was surrounded by psychiatrists, doctors and clergy trying to console her.
This man that came here with nothing, parted the wife's company...took her in his arms and cried with her in their shared grief of their loss. This was a healing moment.
A long time ago...Aunt Kay lost a beautiful daughter and I went into the room with her and held her and cried with her. We were crying in our grief....my mother stepped in and told me that was inappropriate to cry with Aunt Kay and that I was faking it. She blungeon me into submission.
At my mother's funeral, after she had been murdered by her boy friend....I didn't cry. In fact, I felt relief. She was finally dead. She would no longer torment me ever again. Isn't that horrible? I was glad she was dead. This was my mother. I am sorry to not be able to say something nicer.
This man that came here with nothing, parted the wife's company...took her in his arms and cried with her in their shared grief of their loss. This was a healing moment.
A long time ago...Aunt Kay lost a beautiful daughter and I went into the room with her and held her and cried with her. We were crying in our grief....my mother stepped in and told me that was inappropriate to cry with Aunt Kay and that I was faking it. She blungeon me into submission.
At my mother's funeral, after she had been murdered by her boy friend....I didn't cry. In fact, I felt relief. She was finally dead. She would no longer torment me ever again. Isn't that horrible? I was glad she was dead. This was my mother. I am sorry to not be able to say something nicer.
Saturday, May 8, 2010
8 May 2010
Dad is on his way here. It may take two days because it is a 13 hour trip. I prefer that he just gets here than break some speed record.
Took Cho out to the Botanical Gardens today. We rode the tram around. Then I stopped at the Golden Corral and found out that they have a senior special mid-day but also that I could buy food by the pound. So today for less than ten I bought a varied lunch (including ice cream and cake) with two vegetables and 3 meats. I think we will do this more often.
Yesterday took her to the back yard and we had a fire and showed her the flowers and ate some strawberries from her garden. She loved it. She was worried today that she is getting worse. I told her that she is just having a bad day. In the mean time we had fun.
I had a great night sleep last night. Then woke and went back to sleep again for two deep sleep hours.
I used this 5-hour energy drink before my shift at Pizza Hut and it really worked well. So I have bought 5 more and will use them as needed.
Took Cho out to the Botanical Gardens today. We rode the tram around. Then I stopped at the Golden Corral and found out that they have a senior special mid-day but also that I could buy food by the pound. So today for less than ten I bought a varied lunch (including ice cream and cake) with two vegetables and 3 meats. I think we will do this more often.
Yesterday took her to the back yard and we had a fire and showed her the flowers and ate some strawberries from her garden. She loved it. She was worried today that she is getting worse. I told her that she is just having a bad day. In the mean time we had fun.
I had a great night sleep last night. Then woke and went back to sleep again for two deep sleep hours.
I used this 5-hour energy drink before my shift at Pizza Hut and it really worked well. So I have bought 5 more and will use them as needed.
Sunday, May 2, 2010
2 May 2010
Cho is "having" more dreams. Things that aren't happening. People who aren't there. I just tell her they are dreams. I came home from the commissary and she told me that my dinner was in the oven. I checked and it was just another dream. One of her daughters called today and told her that she had talked with her other two sisters and that they were going to find a nursing home for her. That she would be safer there. I agree. That is said by someone that just wants the best for someone he has loved for 34 years. The angry daughter just said that we had been together for a long time. I have recognised some of my imperfections and have taken some steps to correct them.
Went to see a psych doc Friday. He gave me a script for some medicine that makes me not want to drink. So far my effects are a wooziness and diarhea and sleeping a lot or is some of that depresssion? I admitted straight up to the doc that I was an alchoholic and then laid almost everything else out too. He admitted that I have a lot on my plate and I will see him again in a couple of weeks and a clinical psychologist to help with my dealing with situations. I guess that psych's are mostly for writing scripts. I told him that the most improvement I had had was from a tough female and he gave me the toughest one he had on staff.
This morning I was outside to enjoy a bush of roses newly bloomed last night and iris's that are sharing the new air. Enticing scents surrounded me this morning. I filled the birdfeeders with sunflower seeds for the cardinals. They came out to tell me they were hungry. There was a thrasher that came to look at me from the fence as I was on the front porch. I wonder if there is a nest nearby. My lawn needs to get cut before it is totally out of control. Part of it already is. Early in the mornings so as to beat the heat. I have some top soil to put in the holes in my lawn to even it out. My dream has become too much for me to care for.
Went to see a psych doc Friday. He gave me a script for some medicine that makes me not want to drink. So far my effects are a wooziness and diarhea and sleeping a lot or is some of that depresssion? I admitted straight up to the doc that I was an alchoholic and then laid almost everything else out too. He admitted that I have a lot on my plate and I will see him again in a couple of weeks and a clinical psychologist to help with my dealing with situations. I guess that psych's are mostly for writing scripts. I told him that the most improvement I had had was from a tough female and he gave me the toughest one he had on staff.
This morning I was outside to enjoy a bush of roses newly bloomed last night and iris's that are sharing the new air. Enticing scents surrounded me this morning. I filled the birdfeeders with sunflower seeds for the cardinals. They came out to tell me they were hungry. There was a thrasher that came to look at me from the fence as I was on the front porch. I wonder if there is a nest nearby. My lawn needs to get cut before it is totally out of control. Part of it already is. Early in the mornings so as to beat the heat. I have some top soil to put in the holes in my lawn to even it out. My dream has become too much for me to care for.
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