Step 2

I came to believe that a power greater than myself could restore me to sanity.

My way of living my life has brought me to this point. I drink destructively - when my anger flares up inside of my skin I try to put the fire out with liquor and beer. I drink so fast and so much I black out and when I awake I hurl up my guts. My blood pressure is in the stroke/heart attack range. The anger that motivates me to drink this way is based on the values I have chosen to live by in my life. I am insane (not crazy just not all there to make correct decisions) when I drink in this manner. I cannot drink safely anymore.

Only by adopting a completely different set of values and actions and relying on a power greater than myself can I become sane. If my higher power is simply the AA group with the members that have been sober for more than a year then it is clear that they have a method that has worked for themselves and millions of others and if I follow their lead and listen and act on what they tell me, then I too can be sober for at least a year. I do not need to join the debating society about using the God of my understanding as my Higher Power. The AA group is self-evident in their existence and ability to stay sober.

Was I a defiant person - yes. Is AA suggesting that I change my whole philosophy on life? Yes. Is change easy - no - it is painful but I don't have to do it all at once. Just gradually change - G ood O rderly D irection. The AA ideal is for me to aim at realizing I will never be perfect just growing in a direction that aims at doing the God of my understandings will and not mine. Yet it is the end of my old life so that my new life can emerge and be fruitful.

Did my prayers ask God to grant me my wishes and not His will for me - yes. Were my prayers more demands to God - yes? Did I pray for others - rarely.

Yet I have reservations whether God will heal me. I have experienced religions that had faith healers and they demanded results for their show. I find it false teaching and hokey. Yet this is my own self-righteousness and it is a character defect of mine. With this attitude I find myself superior to the entire body of religion which is simply man's attempt to communicate as a community with God of their understanding.