Why Does Milk Spoil?

American milk is heated to 140 degrees Fahrenheit for a set time to kill some of the bacteria in the milk to make it safer to drink. Yet, after a few days it spoils from the bacteria that was not killed from the pasteurization process. So it is with the AA way of life.

I can go to an AA meeting and be re-inspired to the AA way of living one day at a time. This re-dedication will last for awhile but over time - life occurs. I get H ungary, A ngry, L onely and T ired. My inspiration becoming historical and eventually I forget all about it and my life returns to "normal" and I turn to alcohol to alleviate my pain of living life on my terms - I become spoilt milk.

When I practice the AA way of life - I won't spoil. "Why is that?", someone would question. How can I spoil when each night (through reflection and prayer) I empty and clean the pitcher that held the milk. In the morning, with prayer and meditation, I refill the pitcher with freshly pasteurized milk just for today. I call my sponsor and AA friends throughout the day. I work on the step I am dealing with that day. I go to meetings to learn, socialize and meditate. When I do wrong I immediately admit it and ask for forgiveness. I do the next right thing. I ask God to direct and empower my life. In this way I am keeping AA and my God in the forefront of my life and living God's will in my life. In this way I finally find love, peace and joy.

Step 2

I came to believe that a power greater than myself could restore me to sanity.

My way of living my life has brought me to this point. I drink destructively - when my anger flares up inside of my skin I try to put the fire out with liquor and beer. I drink so fast and so much I black out and when I awake I hurl up my guts. My blood pressure is in the stroke/heart attack range. The anger that motivates me to drink this way is based on the values I have chosen to live by in my life. I am insane (not crazy just not all there to make correct decisions) when I drink in this manner. I cannot drink safely anymore.

Only by adopting a completely different set of values and actions and relying on a power greater than myself can I become sane. If my higher power is simply the AA group with the members that have been sober for more than a year then it is clear that they have a method that has worked for themselves and millions of others and if I follow their lead and listen and act on what they tell me, then I too can be sober for at least a year. I do not need to join the debating society about using the God of my understanding as my Higher Power. The AA group is self-evident in their existence and ability to stay sober.

Was I a defiant person - yes. Is AA suggesting that I change my whole philosophy on life? Yes. Is change easy - no - it is painful but I don't have to do it all at once. Just gradually change - G ood O rderly D irection. The AA ideal is for me to aim at realizing I will never be perfect just growing in a direction that aims at doing the God of my understandings will and not mine. Yet it is the end of my old life so that my new life can emerge and be fruitful.

Did my prayers ask God to grant me my wishes and not His will for me - yes. Were my prayers more demands to God - yes? Did I pray for others - rarely.

Yet I have reservations whether God will heal me. I have experienced religions that had faith healers and they demanded results for their show. I find it false teaching and hokey. Yet this is my own self-righteousness and it is a character defect of mine. With this attitude I find myself superior to the entire body of religion which is simply man's attempt to communicate as a community with God of their understanding.

1st Step

I am powerless over alcohol and my life has become unmanageable.

I am an alcoholic. I have a disease that is just as serious as cancer and I must take steps to contain it everyday of my life or it will kill me, lead me to prison/jail or mental institutions. I cannot drink alcohol safely ever again. One drink sets up a craving in me for the next drink and the next drink until I pass out or run out of alcohol.

Normal (9 out of 10) people drink a couple of drinks and get dizzy and sick to their stomach. Alcohol acts as a depressant to them. When I drink alcohol it acts as a stimulant on me. So I get charged up.

I drank alcohol for the effect it had on me. It made me feel better because my life was full of fear, hate, loathing and resentments. I have many defects of character that affected my family and I. I had no friends. It was all about me and it was my way or the highway. I drank alcohol to feel good, normal and acceptable because inside of my skin, I couldn't stand myself. Then alcohol stopped making me feel better and I just drank it because it was my job to drink it.

When I woke one morning after another blackout after consuming in three days - 3 1.75 liters of bourbon I realised that I was spiralling down fast and something needed to be done. I finally realised that my answers were not the solutions to solving my alcoholism. I needed to find someone who had the answers quick. The only place I knew where the solution was was at AA.

I did not want to admit defeat but before I killed or destroyed myself drinking, I surrendered. My life was going to Hell in a hand basket and I was in the basket. So I went to AA meetings and started to do what they said to do - live my life on their principles, read the Big Book, get a sponsor, call other members, attend meetings, pray, and study the first step. So far, so good.

Then I found out about the unmanageable aspects of my life - I am not in control of other people and their actions. If they offend me then I must realize that they are mentally sick people also. I need to pray for forgiveness for them. Then it is helpful to pray for them for two weeks so that I will not harbor any resentments. I needed to love them even though I may not like them or their behaviours. Resentments, because they will lead me to alcohol again, are dangerous for me. If I have a resentment (some offense that I keep bringing back to review over and over again), I need to figure out where I was wrong in my thinking that I would take offense from their actions.

As captain of my life I have ran it into the ground. My self was full of character defects (fear, loathing, self-righteousness, resentment, anger, sexual relationships, self-reliance) that lead me into so much pain that I turned to alcohol to numb myself. I was playing God with my life and I am not God.