Brother Peter

Peter , my brother-in-law, is a wonderful person. He came to our home tonight from Williamsburg (40 miles) to give my wife some Pinenut porridge and roasted chestnuts. Then he checked on my wife to see how she was doing and of course they conversed in Korean. Then he stayed and we talked. I gave him the bread I was making for him for his visit tomorrow. Then a pink angel trumpet stick. Then a bottle of silver water. He said but this is a whiskey bottle....I said I know but it full of silver water. Then I gave him a snifter to try. I showed him how I make silver water and told him about the anti-bacterial and anti-viral properties that it has...of course then I had to show him how I make bread dough and he was very impressed with the demonstrations and of course I feed on that...I should learn how to become a demonstrator because I love the attention...lol...maybe I should become a teacher. He is gone now. I know he shows respect to me and I to him. There are not too many people in the world that I respect as much as my brother-in-law Peter. I can add with careful thought, my brother-in-law Craig and brother-in-law Sonny. Now you know. I have high standards. 3 people in the world of billions.

Cry with someone, it is more healing than crying alone.

I rememer Aunt Kay and I crying over the loss of her daughter. We were crying a cleansing cry and my mother interrupted us and said to me to stop it - that what I was doing was not seemly. At my mother's funeral, I did not cry - I smiled. What a relief that she was finally dead and all the hatred from her was going to be buried but it wasn't buried. I am still needing to take the time to bring up all the ugliness and expose it to light and love. To forgive her, to forgive me, so that my life may be the fullest it can.

My mother was wrong. When a friend of mine buried his 24 year-old son, he wailed from his broken heart. I hugged him and said I was sorry but maybe it would have been better to say..."Today we cry together. We cry deeply because our loss is so great. You for your lost son and me for your grief that I share because you are my friend."

I have not cried "with" someone since the time of Aunt Kay's loss. I have cried before psychiatrists and psychologist and other people in my times of exposure and weakness. I have cried in my self-pity and when my wife has tried suicide to end her problems. I know soon my wife will pass away and then maybe, maybe, maybe I will find, once again someone to cry with, a cleansing cry that heals the deepest of hurts because God gives us a time for grief because it is good for us. I rest in peace with God when that time comes.

45 Lessons

Written by Regina Brett, 90 years old, of the The Plain Dealer, Cleveland, Ohio

"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me.
It is the most-requested column I've ever written.

My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more :

45 Lessons

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.

8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.

12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.

16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.

19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?'

27. Always choose life.

28. Forgive everyone everything.

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

33. Believe in miracles.

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.

35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood.

38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.

41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

42. The best is yet to come...

43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

44. Yield.

45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift."